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Date: 2008-01-22 05:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-22 05:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-22 05:25 am (UTC)this is peace and i know 'cause i'm too tired to cry
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Date: 2008-01-22 05:50 am (UTC)She'll leave again, and he almost wants her to. He'll have an excuse to do as he wishes and not as he should do. He'll have an excuse to hurt, to harm, to scare and to kill.
She'll leave again, and he doesn't understand why she doesn't. He wouldn't stay, if he were her. She could do better than him. They could all do so much better than him.
She'll leave him again, but he doesn't know when. It's been so long and the children are grown.
She'll leave him, and but she isn't. She doesn't and he never knows why.
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Date: 2008-01-22 05:31 am (UTC)they're pretty cheap but they'll cut you deep
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Date: 2008-01-22 06:04 am (UTC)He gets stuck in his head.
Maria is a nice girl, and he doesn't understand why she's nice to him. Why she worries about him, or talks to him or any of that. He doesn't understand why a girl like her would care at all what happens to people like him or Shauna or anyone. But he is grateful.
He gets stuck in his head.
He gets stuck in his head sometimes, and no matter how nice he is, how smart he is, how good he is? It's hard to find his way back out. Hard to want to.
He gets stuck in his head and without people around, he would stay there.
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Date: 2008-01-22 06:55 am (UTC)well i'm so tired of losing- i got nothing to do and all day to do it
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Date: 2008-01-22 03:48 pm (UTC)Because of the drugging.
If they met a different way, it would be different.
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Date: 2008-01-22 07:15 am (UTC)chilly for me
gotta get a raincheck on- pain
-David Bowie, Fame
I'm sorry, ILU <333333333333
Date: 2008-01-22 03:59 pm (UTC)For everything else, Sam is sorry.
He always thought Shelly was kind of a dipstick anyway.
hee!
Date: 2008-01-22 05:18 pm (UTC)Re: hee!
Date: 2008-01-22 09:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-22 09:29 am (UTC)puts it in your mouth
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Date: 2008-01-22 03:53 pm (UTC)And he worries. More than he should. More than he can afford.
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Date: 2008-01-22 02:21 pm (UTC)It seems during the night that I can't even close my eyes
I gotta tell you about my sweet living nightmare
I fall in love with, every night
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Date: 2008-01-22 03:33 pm (UTC)-----
He wonders if she's there when he sleeps, or rather when he collapses from the sheer exhaustion of staying awake, of learning, of shoving endless bits and bits and bits of information into his big damn brain. He wonders if she watches him sleep, as he only occasionally watches her (loft apartment, and screens only do so much), if she watches him sleep and wonders if his brain is still running around.
He does not sleep well. It is very difficult to shut off his brain, and when he does manage it...twice as hard to turn it back on again. He does not sleep well. There are nightmares, at least he thinks they're nightmares. Suffocating loneliness. Dislocation from his mind. Dislocation from his friends (he does have them, of course), dislocation from his father, his sister. Dislocation from Shauna.
He wonders if she'll stay with him. He wonders if someday, she'll marry someone (he's almost positive she won't) and move away. He wonders if he'll have children, if he'll eventually decide to go for a doctorate, if he'll pull the stick out of his ass and do a space-lab experiment, if he'll tell her he loves her, if he needs more markers, if his father is still smoking, if Dr Sofer's cough is anything to worry about, if he's going to die young, if his mother felt any pain, if Shauna will leave, if Shauna will leave, if Shauna will leave...
He wonders a lot.
But he doesn't sleep well.
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Date: 2008-01-22 04:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-22 04:21 pm (UTC)Aww. :D!
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Date: 2008-01-22 09:37 pm (UTC)am i mistaken when i woke up this morning
without you there i'm shaken to my very foundation
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Date: 2008-01-22 11:18 pm (UTC)She's not there, an the television is vastly improved. She's not there, no one answers the door for his father. She's not there, and his mind works faster. She's not there, and he has to teach a class. She's not there, the class goes badly. She's not there, he stands in the classroo and draws all over the walls. She's not there, and neither is Sarah. She's not there, and he finds if he sits very still he can do his very best thinking.
She's not there, the only part of him that moves are his hands. She's not there, and he's tracing words into flesh. She's not there, and his mind is racing. She's not there, the door is breaking. She's not there, his father is shouting. She's not there, he can barely hear anything.
But it doesn't matter.
He's not there.
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Date: 2008-01-22 11:34 pm (UTC)That is the saddest thing on the EARTH. asdffggh my SOUL HURTS
So. Basically, you're awesome.
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Date: 2008-01-23 12:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-23 05:23 am (UTC)I am being all sharey.