(no subject)

From the Constantine script:

Chaz: Question. How long do I have to be your slave?
John: You're not my slave, Chaz. You're my very appreciated apprentice. Like Tonto, or Robin or that skinny fellow with the fat friend.

I'm sorry, I'm so ashamed. It took me a full thirty seconds to get that was a Jay and Silent Bob joke.

The Bitch IS BACK

Me: What is your office ID?
Caller: 818****
Me: I'm sorry, that ID is invalid. I need your associate office identification number
C: j76n****
M: I'm sorry, that is also invalid.
Caller: I just need a fax of req#1198191
Me: I'm sorry, sir, but without a valid ID, I cannot give you any information about a request.
Caller: *heavy breathing and occasional snort for a full minute*
Me: Sir?
Caller: I'm thinking!!!
Me *waits. Ice ages pass*
Caller: 81****cs
Me: Sir, that's just adding two letters to an invalid ID.
Caller: Shit! I gave you seven IDs! Fucking bitch! I'm from SCA!
Me: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have a company listing for SCA.
Caller: AMfam! SCA!
Me: Hold please.
Caller: WHY?!?!
Me: I have to see if there is someone who is able to assist you.
Caller: WHAT THE F-*Karra puts him on hold*

(no subject)

Today I had a caller who was from Quebec, and wanted me to speak in only french, despite the fact that I barely speak it, and she was quite clearly not French-Canadian. She demanded that I "continue on in French!". The demand was spoken in english. Clear, precise, intricate english.

I replied with: Bien que je parle français, je ne peux pas le comprendre. Continuez en anglais.

Caller tantrums in English that I MUST take her call in french.

Me: Je ne parle pas français. Je suis à l'aise en anglais et Sumer, mais je ne peux pas parler français. Il n'y a personne dans ce bureau qui parle français, et parce que vous parlez évidemment anglais fluent, je dois exiger que vous le parlez.

Caller: If you don't speak french, why are you speaking in french?!?!

me: Je me suis enseigné du français en lisant les livres canadiens de roi de Stephen, et à des lectures les dos des boîtes à céréale.